When I was younger, I used to lie about what my favourite colour was. I just copied others
I also used to lie about what I wanted to be when I grew up, and just copied other people
I think I was about 13 when I thought about committing suicide for the first time
I love the sea, but hate the feeling of stickiness after.
I only really got into Photography, because a family friend once said I “had an eye for things” a few years ago. My stepdad had tried to get me into photography for years prior to this, but I wasn’t very interested until this moment.
I started puberty when I was 9
I was bullied for being the first person with a growing chest
I was also called Gorilla at school, because of my skin colour
My Granny left me a lovely doll. Her name is Sonya. She survived the bombings in Berlin
I never thought I’d leave Germany. Now I can’t see myself ever moving back there
Most of my friends are non-british. By “most” I mean all of my (few) friends.
I used to ship Harry and Ron, Hermione and Draco.
I also ship Harry with Cedric.
Every summer, I promise I’ll lose weight before I go back to school/university. I usually just get fatter.
I have brown eyes and black hair. In summer, some of my hair looks dark brown.
I nearly had counselling once because of my suicidal tendencies, but we went on a family holiday instead.
I have very fond memories of my childhood. Until puberty started. I then tuned all emotions out as best as I could.
I once wanted a guitar so badly for Christmas, I got a new TV instead and nearly cried (I was such an ungrateful little shit, I hope nobody noticed. I hate myself for my materialistic selfish past)
I miss being a child, and riding my bike everywhere. I used to hate riding my bike at times, when it was rainy or windy. But really, I miss it now.
Very often, wherever I went, I’d go there by bike. I miss that feeling in my legs, or the wind in my hair, or the sound of a bike. I’m not quite sure why I miss that. Maybe it’s the childhood memories. Everything was so innocent then, and I didn’t have any worries apart from my imaginary tea party.
Riding my bike as a kid is definitely something I miss.
I’m currently on holiday, but whilst scheduling this, I am VERY excited about the holiday. I can’t wait for the food, the (sandy) beach, the (warm) sea, and the wildlife. I just really love Malaysia. I also look forward to making plans with friends, and hope that some friends will be able to come over from Germany.
13 Things I am excited about on Holiday
I thought about doing a separate post for this, but it would be a shame to waste this opportunity to tell you some things I am excited about regarding my holiday in Malaysia
Malaysia itself: Every time I visit Malaysia, it just feels like I’m going home.
Food: The food in Malaysia is so delicious. I have not once had a bad meal. I can’t put it into words, quite how much I love the food in Malaysia. There, you can find so much different food: Malay, Chinese, Indian, and its all SO amazing.
People: I also get excited to meet Malay people? They’re super nice and I just like being around people in Malaysia. They’re really friendly and kind.
Photography: I actually really hope to try out Street Photography there. For some reason, nothing in the UK excites or inspires me. Hopefully, I am going to be inspired in Malaysia.
Beach: I’m excited to sit on a sandy beach and enjoy the waves. I live by the seaside anyway, but a sandy beach in Malaysia is just that little bit more exciting and special to me.
Pool: I actually really look forward to swimming in a pool? Pool, beach and Palm trees are like THE holiday aesthetics.
Book & Beach/Pool: Weirdly, I also really look forward to reading a book either by the pool or by the beach, under some neat palm trees.
Breakfast buffets: They’re amazing and diverse and just so good. I am going to eat ALL the food (apart from bread and the stuff that has very obviously got gluten in).
Wildlife: The wildlife in Malaysia is amazing and I can’t wait to visit a nature reserve. There are also many geckos around, if I remember correctly. I love geckos, they’re super cute.
Snorkelling: We’re going snorkelling, which I am super excited for. This kind of works with the last point. I love snorkelling in Malaysia. Once, I saw two baby sharks and they were adorable!
Shopping: I used to get more excited about the shopping than I do now, since I am way too big to fit into any clothing there. But, I still enjoy the night markets there.
Weirdly, even the flying there and travelling within Malaysia excites me. I’m scheduling this ahead of time, so I will probably feel differently about this at the time, but right now I am very excited about getting on a plane.
Not being at Home: Just getting away from the usual surroundings is going to be amazing to relax and enjoy myself.
My first blessing has to go to my family, my lovely mum and my stepdad. They are both very supportive and loving and I just feel so blessed. I guess there are two blessings really. The fact I live with my family, even after coming out, and the fact that we have an amazing relationship.
Honestly, I feel so blessed having the friends I have. They’re all so supportive, caring and such good friends. I haven’t lost any friends when I came out, and they’ve all just been great.
Being able to go on holiday with my family. Not only are we going away together, but we’re also going quite far abroad. For as long as I can remember, my mum has always taken me on lovely and memorable holidays.
Having money in my wallet, money in my savings account and money in my bank account is a HUGE blessing.
Being able to have the education I have. My mental health has, fortunately, never stopped me from going to school, college or University. Now, I have finished 3 years at University, hopefully successfully and am applying to do my masters.
Day Nine: Post some words of wisdom that speak to you
Without resorting to google, I’m going to try and write some things down from the top of my hat (and then double checking google to actually find some words of wisdom, because who the fuck would listen to me)
Everything is temporary, it’s important that you keep going.
Never hesitate to ask for help
“Life is a journey and if you fall in love with the journey you will be in love forever.” -Peter Hagerty
“We forge the chains we wear in life.” -Charles Dickens
For words of wisdom, I enjoy to read zen orientated things.
I forgot to mention this yesterday, but I’m basically trying to stick to a 30 Day Writing Challenge that I mention in previous posts (such as here).
Back to today’s writing challenge. Sharing something I struggle with. I struggle with so much, how do I choose one thing to share, without over sharing…
I struggle with rain. I hate it on my skin. Showers are good, but not rain.
I struggle with Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I had brief therapy for both and I’m on medication. My mind is a black hole, effecting everyone around me. Hence, I am (fucking finally) actively trying to be positive. Its heck of a mountain to climb. Not very successful at the moment. But I took a few first steps. Lets see how it goes.
If you’ve only just tuned in, today is day six of a writing challenge I am taking part in. Day One is here, with the link to the Pinterest Pin.
Day Six: Five Ways to win your heart
Not that anyone would actually want to win my heart, but here you go.
Talk Harry Potter to me, and I will melt. Added extra: Enjoy Harry Potter. Preferably the books.
Love animals, Nature, Travelling and Food.Apart from Cats, which is point number five, I love a lot of animals too. I love nature, and travelling. I also love food. I’m crap at cooking so this only involves actually eating food.
Be really passionate about something and suck me into what your passionate about.This is only a thing I noticed recently that it is a thing.
Talk bullshit with me about movies, books and tv shows (and other things).
Have a cat. Be a cat. Idk. Cats. I love cats. Big, small. Cats. Or puppies.
Out of all the places I want to visit, I can only name five. This seems rather fitting, since I am going on holiday to Malaysia very soon. But hence, I also feel like I cannot list Malaysia.
Japan: I really, really, REALLY want to visit Japan, so much. From what I read and see and everything, I am so fascinated by the culture and everything. I really want to experience everything for myself
Australia: Australia has been a country I wanted to visit since I was a child, purely because of the wildlife and Steve Irwin. He was so passionate about his work, I was determined to visit Australia and see/support the wildlife there.
Canada: For some reason, I really want to visit the forests in Canada, and spend some peaceful time walking and hiking there, and I am not quite sure where this love for Canada comes from to be honest.
America: So, the only reason I want to go there is to visit New York City, San Francisco, Seattle and the Harry Potter World in Florida. Like, thats pretty much it. I don’t know how long it takes to travel from one area to another, and spend time there, but thats all of the time I want to spend there.
Italy: I’m not sure why, but I’ve also been wanting to travel to Italy for a very long time. The history there fascinates me, and I really want to try out all of the food there.
It is difficult to find just the one person who inspires me. What is also difficult, is writing down why a person inspires me. Why do they inspire me, and how? What is it that these people do that is so inspiring me? Very often it is the things I need most in life, that these people give me through the simple things that they do. I lack strength and positivity. I find it difficult to enjoy the little things in my life, the ordinary things. I find it very easy to find faults within me, weaknesses and doubt everything I do, all the time.
There is a very obvious person who inspires me. She inspires me to stay strong, to hold on to the hope that the future may be bright, and that ideas can come out of nowhere. She inspires me to write, and to keep going. Strength to carry on is something I still lack. It is a difficult skill to learn. But by doing whatever she is doing, she helps.
Three of the people who inspire me are three Youtubers who live in Japan. I love their videos and often share their content. They have inspired me to try out youtube myself. They inspire me to enjoy the little things in my life, the ordinary things. Furthermore, they help me to stay positive.
All of those people create content that distract me by working on things they feel passionate about. I guess that alone is inspiring me,