Monday Madness: Why I’m glad I gave up Gluten

I have given up gluten for nearly two years, and I am really glad that I am. Recently, I have realised why I am glad that I gave up gluten.

After having given up Gluten for over a year (nearly two), I have come to realise what benefits I have actually noticed from not eating gluten for a significant amount of time. After the holiday in Malaysia, where I ate gluten, I have noticed a lot of changes I wasn’t necessarily aware of before hand.

One of the things I noticed pretty soon after I gave up gluten in the first place was that my skin was a lot better, I generally had more energy and my general feeling of wellbeing was better. I didn’t feel as tired, sluggish or as hungry.

Recently, after the holiday and a recent meal that included gluten, I noticed several other  things that I hadn’t realised before.

Let me clarify.

Apart from loss of energy, bad skin, rise in appetite, a feeling of sluggishness and tiredness beyond normality, I noticed I had symptoms of a cold.
These symptoms very often arise due to allergic reactions to foods. I was coughing and my head was hurting, but only for a brief period of time directly after I ate a meal of gluten and dairy. Before I officially gave up gluten last year, I remember constantly feeling like having a cold, without actually having a cold. I kept coughing, and having a weird headache. Both of this stopped as soon as I gave up gluten, and resurfaced when I ate gluten again.

I also have polycystic ovaries, and have heck of a lot of pain during That Week. This noticeably decreased when I stopped eating gluten, and resurfaced dramatically when I ate gluten again. My Shark Weeks since having given up gluten had been what most could consider normal, with very little pain. So it’s not like it was a odd month or two out of the norm. It had been 12+ (close to 20) months in a row with very little pain and discomfort. Nothing compared to the pain prior to giving up gluten, or the pain I have right now because of having eaten gluten for three weeks at the end of June.

Furthermore, I sleep better without eating gluten, eat more healthily and my mood is better. I myself have also noticed that my ADD(/ADHD), Aspergers, GAD and Depression are easier to deal with when I don’t eat gluten. Every little helps, as they say.

I just thought I’d put this out there. It’s just personally what I’ve experienced and I really felt like I should share. Maybe someone will read this and it’ll help them. Additionally, out of personal experience, doctors hesitate to mention giving up gluten helps with mental health a lot, since they’d rather prescribe tablets and stuff.

Anyway. I’m going to go curl up in a ball, hug a hot water bottle, and drink some tea.

Link of the Day

I somehow came across Recovery Letters from those who have struggled with different forms of Depression. I skim read one of them, which dragged me out of a little black whole. At the same time, I couldn’t read the whole letter, nor could I read any others out of fear they might trigger me. Despite this, the idea of having these letters of recovery to read, made me feel better, and a bit stronger.

Photo of the Day


Video of the Day

Reflection & Preparation

Reflection on the past week

Getting into the habit of making the most of my time, I take the end of the week to reflect and prepare for the following week.

In the past week, I finished my dissertation and handed it in. After that, I spent far too many days taking care of myself, instead of working on my last essay. This is leaving me with a lot of work for the following week.

Generally, the week has had some ups and downs emotion wise. During my group therapy, I kept disassociating. I haven’t disassociated for a while.

Preparation for the following week

For the following days, I have found quite a bit of reading for my last essay. After group therapy on Wednesday, I have a friend coming to my place, which I am looking forward to. This means I have to tidy up my room as well. Both are good things, even though I am not looking forward to cleaning.

By Thursday evening, I hope to have finished my last essay. Hopefully, I can push myself to leave my room more frequently to enjoy the nice weather and be physically active beyond walking dogs. I miss sitting by the sea. Over the next weekend, I’m going to try to get to the beach and enjoy the sea.

Poem of the day

Love After Love

By Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

And say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.


Photo of the day

Soft Sunset Rocks
Andrew Morse
Night food market, Taipei
Reinier Snijders

Video of the week

Lets Talk: Morning Routines

Today I thought I’d share my very average and boring morning routine. Even though it seems very average to talk about, it is a solid part of my day and can determine how easily I get started on doing work. It’s something I’m still tweaking on, so I’m just gonna share what kind of routine I have already and what I’d like to add and change.

When getting up, I usually take my thyroid meds, go for a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, brush teeth and then I’m pretty much ready. Depending on what I’m doing that day, I’ll put in contact lenses, choose earrings and a necklace perhaps and maybe put on some make up if I feel like it. Sometimes, even if I’m not really going anywhere to meet anybody, I’ll still wear earrings because it makes me feel that little bit better. After breakfast, its not just time to brush my teeth but also to take my meds for my ADD/ADHD. They really help me focus on things and get work done.

Having a wash, washing my hair and all that good stuff really feels like a good start to the day. This also helps me into taking care of myself. Getting out of bed is often difficult enough, never mind having a shower, brushing hair and teeth. But I’m somewhat a slut for a regular routine so I often do manage to get out of bed and have a shower.

I don’t care much for lunch or generally anything between breakfast and dinner most of the time. I do tend to have a good breakfast to keep me going for the day. Usually I go off to walk the dogs or go off to where ever I have to be. If I’m just going to be at home to get on with things, I’ll spend some time procrastinating on social media and Netflix.

Compared to Germany, the morning routines I have here seem a lot more relaxed than there generally. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m dealing with things differently now or anything, but in Germany everything felt hectic and stressed, especially during the week when I had to go to school or college. Mornings began very early and usually they were rushed, as well. Trying to get dressed, and ready as quickly as possible to get that one only bus that goes to town is quite stressful. Very often I’d skip breakfast, just because I preferred to sleep a bit longer and then ran out of time to eat. I wouldn’t even have anything for school or college, purely because I couldn’t be bothered to carry anything with me, or even to prepare it. Now, even when I have to leave early, I try to at least have a water bottle in my bag and something in my stomach, even if it’s just a banana.

Photo of the Day

Ningde Yangjia Stream, Xiapu, China / 霞浦,楊家溪
Regreso al paraíso (Explore)
Rosa Cantorna
Jordan Esser

Videos of the Day

Thoughts on Monday

Something is still bugging me. Even though I promised my best friend to shut up about it, to let it go and just be selfish and focus on myself to be a better and more awesome version of myself, I feel like I need to yell about a certain thing.
As noted in a quite recent post, I am now single. The aftereffects of breaking up, has actually left me feel relieved. I knew it was going to happen since the beginning of March, distantly hoped the relationship could’ve been saved – even though I really knew it couldn’t. Looking back, I realise I would never be able to give that person the support they need. What has been done, has been done. No matter how many times I apologise, it’s not going to change.

The precise thoughts I want to vent, since no longer speaking a single word to that person, are the following.

Yes, I let my emotions out, even though I knew it was going to happen sooner than later. I feel like I had a right to do that to a point. Or not? Can anybody really scold me for reacting emotionally? I care(d) for you, no matter what. But I have felt like I’m not allowed to be emotional.
I thought about saying something along the lines of our variations of truth may differ but I think that would be a blow below the belt and really not necessary.

To be honest, I feel relieved that we are no longer dating. I have started doing exercises. Partly because I felt upset about you being so desperate to lose weight, knowing that I am morbidly obese myself. This, at the same time raised the question of “did you really love me/what did you see in me?” But mostly, I started swapping exercises with self harm. The smallest exercises is leaving my muscles aching, doing the exercises distracts me from the thoughts, while at the same time making myself feel better about things, and doing things for myself. I really feel relieved. I’m being selfish. More obviously selfish, to take care of myself. If I have been rude or selfish towards anybody, I am sorry. I hope you can point this out and tell me, so I may rectify my behaviour towards other people, especially those closest to me. “Staying friends” was mentioned by you. Like that was really ever going to happen. I knew it wouldn’t, before I messed up. I would’ve felt worse, for longer, not being able to let go.

Instead of wallowing in sorrows, I’m desperately trying to pick myself up. The thoughts of being worthless, ugly, not worth of love or any positive attention have always been there and aren’t anything new. But I am not letting this situation get at me. I know I am the difficult one. The unwanted one. But I knew that before I knew you.

On a positive note, I’ve been keeping up with my exercises since monday and I feel really good about them so far. I’m enjoying my euphoric moments, which are lasting longer than my down periods. I also learned something about buddhism today, which got me excited and more motivated to learn more. Right now, I am actually really looking forward to go to bed, but I really need to get some reading done beforehand. I’ll feel better after doing some more reading tho, so I look forward to that. Knowing that I’ll feel better afterwards spurs me on to do more work. Today anyway.

Word of the day: der Mensch

The human; a german noun. 

I chose the word of today according to the dictionary’s Word of the Day, whose definition of Mensch is this one:

Definitions for mensch
  1. Informal. a decent, upright, mature, andresponsible person.

Quote of the day

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
– Harriet Tubman (x)

Photo of the day

Ryo Mukae

Video of the day

Just another day

I spent all day watching 13 Reasons why, listening to music, and starting another TV show on Netflix. In between, I have tried to be somewhat productive. Now, I am tired from being tired. Yet, I am glad about today. Several times I nearly had jealousy and hatred fill me up again, but I managed to simmer it down and not react too much to it. I was going to write about nostalgia today, how I miss riding my bike past fields on country lanes in the sun, or the sound a bike makes, or quiet german streets, the smell of freshly baked bread and living so close to school I could walk. But alas, the inspiration and energy has left my finger tips.

Oh, and there are trigger warnings for 13 Reasons Why, in regards to sexual assault, rape and suicide. So be aware, and keep safe.

Things of the day

The things I want to share today are the nostalgia machine and the kpop machine, which I found through is a great site to find new and fun stuff, but most of ya’ll probably knew that already. I constantly forget and rediscover it, and it keeps me entertained for a long time (usually).

Quote of the day

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
– Buddha (x)

Photos of the day

Boats and Skyscrapers
Jon Herbert

Videos of the day

Emotional Monday

Today, I sat at University with a few friends and I started talking to one of them about mental health. Being quite comfortable around these people I felt like I could be open about myself and everything. I didn’t expect to get so emotional to the point I started crying. I’m feeling good about me talking about it, especially since I’m hopefully starting therapy end of march. But its going to be a bumpy ride.

Impulsively I am diving into comfort things and trying to frantically learn Busted lyrics. Doors open at 6:30pm in Brighton tomorrow and I am So Excited. All in all, today has been a bit emotional. But I’ve dealt with it really well compared to other times. It seems like a really minor thing, but I am really proud of myself.

Poem of the day

“Arise from sleep, old cat,
And with great yawns and stretchings…
Amble out for love”
Kobayashi Issa,

Photos of the day

Ryo Mukae
Shanghai at night
Cold Abandon
Steve Cole

Videos of the day

Blogmas Day 5: Being lazy but still productive


Tomorrow is Nikolaus and I am quite excited because it’s actually going to be a surprise. I don’t know what I am getting (apart from one thing, and I may get something else, too). Quite looking forward to gifting some small items to a friend, too.

Usually around this time I’ve been getting ready for holiday in a few days, but not this year. It feels somewhat weird but also somewhat nice to spend christmas at home. Even though Vlogmas and everything seemed a lot more exciting for me last year.

As much as I’ve decorated my room and am generally looking forward to christmas, I am still pretty un-christmassy. I barely have christmas clothing, as in christmas jumpers, hats or accessories, and I haven’t decorated my room as I could’ve perhaps done. I’m enjoying the cold weather to a point. I love my new hats and my new jumpers and new jacket. My mood hasn’t dipped down too low this winter, which is good.

Lazy but still Productive

Based on the last video at the bottom, it is suggested to take many breaks throughout the day. I would get too distracted and a short break would turn into hours, until the entire day is over. It would take A LOT OF effort to get this part of my habit. But having the breaks sounds logically and makes work loads more manageable. As for now, I am too lazy to start

Photo of the day

Autumn Pride

Video of the day



I have ADD/ADHD. I struggle with my concentration A LOT. I hyper focus (n then get distracted and hyper focus on minor activities when I actually need to get important shit done), don’t focus at all or only focus on activities for very short bursts. Yesterday, among some good stuff, I managed to watch four movies. Today, I didn’t finish watching anything. Not even an episode of something. I have done literally very little else. Everything I have done, has been enough to distract me  -.-

But I did get some important stuff done.(also, how normal is it to hallucinate sometimes?? its weird n i don’t like it)

Question of the day: What is the perfect weather?

I always like it when its warm enough to just wear a t-shirt. Today, the wind was quite cold, but the sun was nice and warm. Walking the dog in this weather was quite nice. I only like it when its rainy and cloudy if I don’t have to leave the house.

Quote of the day

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”
-Author Unknown

Video of the day

Photo of the day


Monday Motivation

Question of the day: What do you remember from your first day of school?
I can’t actually remember much of my first day at school. Apparently I wasn’t too happy, and cried every morning for several weeks. There are photos however, and I was wearing a dress. I was in the Lion Cub class, and as I walked over the school playground, I was holding my friends’ hands. I was in the middle. Otherwise, I honestly don’t remember anything. I guess that’s a good thing? It wasn’t traumatic or anything haha. I can’t even remember my first day of secondary school or at college in Germany. I just about remember my first day at college in the UK, and at University. The most memorable moment I remember relating to my education is the day I found out I was going to go to University. over three years ago. But that is a story for another day!

I wish I could remember more. The photos look very cute. I remember every year when going back, I’d look forward to new stationary and telling everybody what I did over summer and listening to all of their stories. I’m not sure if this is a memory from the first day of school, but I know I loved Schultüten . You either made them yourself or bought them and then parents would fill them with sweets n chocolate and/or gifts and stationary, money and all that. It comes in different colours and sizes. And I remember loving mine. Kids are usually given them on their first day, so it is definitely a memory from my first day at school.


Video of the day:

Word of the day:
I’d like to say “Motivation” but it’s basically the same, just the pronunciation differs. So I am going to go with something else.
I’ll go with Freude.
It’s a noun, and translates to joy, delight, gratification.
It can be used as such: “Es  würde mir eine große Freude bereiten, dir zu helfen”; which translates to “It would be a joy to help you out”.

Photo of the day:

Morning Fog, Friston Forest
Alan MacKenzie

Quote of the day:
In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.
– Nikos Kazantsakis (x)

Featured Image/Gif: (x)

Monday: Organisation

The topic of today is, as expected organisation. I’m actually really crap at organisation. My organisational skills are rubbish and I do not know how I have made it so far with my poor skills, honestly. I also don’t have any more tips than what you can google anyway and are just based on experience really. I’m still working on my skills.

What I have found useful, however, is splitting huge tasks in many little ones. It’s a common tip, and really helps. The task becomes less overwhelming, you still get the feeling you’re being productive, which could then lead to you wanting to do more.

Also, doing things early in the day has helped me. Tasks stop ruining my day because I stress over them and they actually get done. Plus, you can treat yourself for the rest of the day and do something nice.

Having a planner, and writing stuff down, really works for me too. If I remember to write it down. But, having a planner, helps me remember to write things down and take note of it. There’s then a higher chance of it getting done and it just really helps me organise myself in the long run.

I also have a lot of colourful pens and highlighters. As a student, having colour coded stuff, pens, markers and sticky notes is ridiculously useful. And they’re a great mood booster, especially for the early, dark mornings and rainy, grey days in autumn and winter. Weirdly, it does not at all represent how my mind is, but it certainly helps my mind focus on more positive things, which is hence useful for studying, etc.

Having a constant in my life has helped me deal with all the turmoil in life, and strongly disassociating all the time (somebody in my life is blaming my gluten free diet for my anxiety going down but honestly, it’s just my disassociation).

Trailing a bit off topic, but what you eat can have a serious effect on how you feel. You eat shit you feel shit. Out of experience, if I have a rubbish breakfast, I feel rubbish for most of the day. This is especially true if I am in a low mood anyway. If I am grumpy, annoyed, upset and/or just angry, if I then eat a full english breakfast (Bacon, sausages, eggs, etc), something with chocolate, left over fast food or something like that, I will not feel any better. I usually feel worse and guilt ridden. This then can have an effect on every thing else.  Eating something healthy doesn’t mean you have to eat something you don’t like. For some reason this took me a while to realise (I actually like fruit and veg whaaaat).

Anyway, I am cold and I’m going to see how I can entertain myself for the rest of the evening. PS3, Wii, 3ds, TV, DVDs, or something away from technology? No technology seems like the right option, but I’ll probably end up playing Sims 3 for hours.

Quote of the day:

Failure is success if you learn from it

Word of the day

Photo of the day

Porch light
Ian Flinders


Video of today