My Three Pillars of Happiness

I recently decided to try really hard to be less materialistic and letting go of Heck of A Lot of things. For a while now, I’ve been wanting to focus on three main pillars that my Happiness is based on, but simply couldn’t narrow it down. Now, I finally managed to narrow down my list, and I feel comfortable and happy with what I have.

My Three Pillars of Happiness

My Family & Friends


Harry Potter

Some might think that the first one is pretty obvious, but, out of experience, I am one of the lucky few who has an amazing relationship with their parent(s) and/or step-parent. I get on really well with my mum and my stepdad and know that I’m ridiculously lucky. The same kind of goes for my friends. I have amazing friends who I can talk to about anything and everything and they just put up with me and make me feel liked and loved as a friend. I never seem to get on their nerves, and they certainly never get on my nerves.

I realised that travelling is the second pillar, while travelling. While on holiday in Malaysia, I realised how happy travelling made me. Experiencing different cultures and food is exciting and always an adventure. Speaking to different people from all corners of the world is equally amazing. Coming home always felt like I was leaving happiness elsewhere. I’m really glad I finally, finally realised that travelling is my second pillar. It’s giving me a real aim to save money and made me realise how important travelling is to my mental health.

The third pillar of my happiness is Harry Potter. Harry Potter got me into reading books and makes me feel part of a community without having to fit into certain criteria regarding gender, skin colour or language. The world of Harry Potter has kept me alive for many years and always puts a smile on my face somehow.

Photo of the Day

Ryo Mukae

Video of the Day

Three Things I learned at University

Now that my graduation is coming closer and closer, I thought it would be interesting to share three non-academic things I learned at University.

Three Things I learned

  1. Nothing is forever. Pain is temporary, you can get through whatever you have to get through and make the most of happy, memorable events.
  2. It’s not a bad thing to reach out to others. Asking for help is quite the opposite. Don’t ever hesitate to ask for help or to talk to somebody.
  3. I learned to push myself. Despite having GAD and Depression, I successfully managed to get through several presentations during my second and third year at University. Every presentation gave me more self esteem and confidence for the next one.

Bouns point:

4. Don’t wait around for others. Do things by yourself. If you’re scared of others judging you: they’re already judging you, so you might as well do whatever the hell you want.

Photo of the Day

Philipp Haefeli

Video of the Day

Hooray, It’s Thursday

Quote of the Day: 

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
– Buddha

Photo of the Day:

Foggy traffic lights

Word of the Day:

Die Seele – the Soul.

Kümmere dich um deine Seele – take care of your soul.
It’s another noun, and I like the look of it. For some reason, the german spelling reminds me a bit of fairies, or elves.

Question of the Day: Am I worthless?

This is pretty much how I feel all the time. I don’t feel like I have friends. The friends I think I have I feel like I’m not the same to them as they are to me and I’m bitterly salty about that and the fact that I’m feeling so bitter and salty about it. This morning, I had a really low moment, but I think I recovered.

Video of the Day:


I’m proud I have managed the week so far as best I could with what is going on at home and at Uni. I’m so glad it’s finally thursday again, and I don’t have to worry about stupid, non-existent trains to Uni (because they’re on strike. Again. And all the trains from my nearest train station to my Uni campus have been replaced with Buses) and I can hopefully focus on some reading, catching up and taking care of myself, despite some shit going down because of one particular idiot in the house.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.


Friday Blues

Today started off really rocky. I felt horrible. Then I made the clever decision to leave the house with my family to go into town.

The Airshow in Eastbourne is on and we got to see some of the planes do some stunts, which was pretty great. I never seem to think the Airshow is special until I get to the seafront and suddenly, I have a huge urge to take photos of planes and take videos of them doing stunts. Next time, I’ll take my DSLR with me.
In town, I also walked passed a Christmas shop, which annoyed me. The earlier I see Christmas stuff, the more it kind of ruins it for me. We don’t really celebrate Christmas since I turned 18, but I have very fond memories. But seeing Christmas stuff too early, really ruins it. It takes away the fun, the Christmas feeling.
This Afternoon, I also went to see BFG at the cinema. It made me laugh and feel better, so that was good. It was fuller than I had expected, but at the same time, I wasn’t too surprised.
The Evening has been weirdly filled with figuring out where everybody is sleeping, reorganising furniture, and the arrival of another foster child. Dinner was late, but yummy. Now, I’m calming down with a mixture of music and Finding Carter.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. A new day, a new start. I haven’t practised Japanese today, nor have I drunk enough water if I am honest. However, I have been working on some characters for a book. So. Yay.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

I think I can hear somebody vomit outside my window. Omg. Eww.


August already!

Every day I could cry because of what I had planned to achieve and what I have actually achieved.

I can’t even remember the last book I finished but I think I’m currently reading about three or four books all at once because I am absolutely everywhere wasting time.

I still can’t string a sentence together in Japanese. Or in Dutch, Malay, Vietnamese, Irish Gaelic or Scottish Gaelic.

I only  started thinking about Dissertation Ideas a few days ago. Haven’t settled on anything yet. I hoped to get something done before I go back.

I haven’t finished any TV show or Movie on Netflix. Not one. And I’m watching so many things at the same time.

My days barely have a routine. Get up. Walk dogs. Shops/Gym/Appointments. Walk Dogs. Dinner. Walk Dogs. Too tired/lazy to focus on anything. I don’t know where my time as gone. What have I done with my time? I don’t know but I feel like I have failed myself quality time and now I feel like I should catch up but don’t know how because the routine I have isn’t set by me and I don’t have a way to get out of it.

The only thing I can think of is to utilise the little time I do have to myself to enjoy the time and do what I wanted to do in the first place. Because I can’t organise myself and currently find myself with really high Anxiety, I am struggling to organise myself.

What do I finish reading first? What to I finish watching first? When do I practice/learn Japanese? When could I spend time on Gaming? When can I do this, or that?

I just don’t know. I feel lost and empty and numb. The things I want to do would improve how I feel and how I feel about myself but alas. I just keep wasting time, which is not helping me. Ugh!

For tonight, I’m still planning on watching Black Butler and Stranger Things on Netflix. Go to bed early. Get up early so I can do more. I really hope I can sort myself out.



Today I am greatful for…

So when I’m upset and down, I either check my “happy memories” jar (which I haven’t updated in for ever) – it has some good things in it and triggers other good memories. I also write down in a smol little diary like thing what I am greatful for. Often it’s repetition, and I’ll write down things like 

I’m greatful for…

  • … fresh air,
  • … running water, which is clean
  • … being able to walk and talk and safely voice my opinion
  • … my pets
  • … my mum

Sometimes things are very materialistic, such as

I’m greatful for

  • … my camera
  • … my room
  • … my iMac
  • … etc

By doing this, I refocus my energy from what has been making me upset, and often it distracts me enough to do something else. Very often I do write down the same things over a period of time, but it does put my mind into a better place. I started doing this when we moved last year and lost a dog the same day. I spiralled out of control and was upset about everything, high just annoyed everybody. So I started writing things down I was happy and greatful about to refocus my attention on the positive things.

We’re moving again. I’ve gone from not writing a thing because of laziness to not writing a thing because of stress and another dog being ill… It’s like dejavu from last year. Definitely trying to keep up the “I’m greatful for…” thing to get me through this.

I don’t know if any of this is making sense. 

If you’re having a rough time, please do speak to somebody. It helps. Even if it’s me. I’m a good listener. 

Twitter: @cookie_ciaran