What does a 24 year old, bi-racial, morbidly obese trans man think about on irregular intervals? Very often I fear being attacked out on the street. Hence, I hide in my room and rarely leave. I worry a lot, and stop myself from doing things.
That pretty much sums me up. I was going to be really negative in this post, but that’s not who I want to be anymore.
My thoughts today have skipped several beats, as they usually do. Usually circling around my plans for the day -staying positive, enjoying the weather, eating, getting things done; and imaginary things. I dream a lot, and like to lie on my bed, listening to music and dreaming of various worlds and people that don’t actually exist ands how they would deal with things.
I also think about what it’s like to lose weight. How does it feel knowing you’re losing weight? Do you go clothes shopping every time you drop a dress size?
I think about how it would feel like with a flat chest. Or how I’d look like with a beard, or what I’d do if I had more confidence, less weight and a peen between my legs. I imagine what I’d do with more confidence a lot. More often than not, those actions just stay in my dreams and I never actively try to work on my non-exsisting confidence and ridiculously low self esteem.
I’m currently quite tipsy. My tipsy self wants to google how to work on my confidence. I feel like dancing in the summers rain. Instead, though, I’m going to hide in my room and do nothing.