Hello Again

So, naturally, I managed to abandon the 30 Day writing Challenge. I’m partially blaming the fact that I was on holiday and I’m categorically unable to plan ahead. But I’m back.

We’re currently moving home so I’m still not sure on a set structure of posts. There will be another brief update on Monday hopefully, if we have Internet at the new place when we move in. If not, there will hopefully be a longer update on a schedule and everything when I either get to Starbucks or we finally have wifi again.

For today, I really wanted to share this link with you, based on the youtube video below that I finally watched today.

Occasionally I fall into researching Japanese fashion trends and stuff, without ever really feeling like I could actually follow any kind of fashion trend because of my weight. I can’t sow, I can barely knit or anything so I’m really unable to make my own clothing. Usually I get really upset and impulsively eat a bunch of food which just makes me feel worse and its a really rough circle to get out of. But recently I’ve managed to start pulling myself out of this rough circle (super difficult but I am trying so hard). Hence, I’m actually using looking at fashion trends as motivation and inspiration to eat healthily and work out to lose weight and live healthily.

So instead of wallowing in my bitterness, I’m accepting this feeling, realising that this is something I can actively change and that it is something that I really want to change about myself. I know what I have to do to change the reason for my bitterness, so I shall do exactly that. Says the one who literally just drank a really sugary energy drink and had Nutella on their toast. Personally, I believe in moderation and treating yourself sometimes (otherwise I find it impossible to stick to something if it’s a “never can I ever eat this again”).

Now, after my holiday, I should find it quite “easy” to eat more healthily again and exercise more. I’ve stopped eating gluten again. Going gluten free usually reduces my appetite naturally. And since I don’t want to spend huge amounts of money on gluten free cookies or cakes or something (which I don’t really enjoy that much anyway), there is really quite little I can actually binge on. The one thing I do really need to work on is portion size and not drinking so many sugary drinks.

Photo of the Day

ソメイヨシノ - 平安神宮にて / Heian-jingu Shrine in Spring
Yuya Horikawa

Video of the Day

Writing Challenge: Day 18

Day 18: Post 30 facts about yourself

  1. I love Harry Potter
  2. I’m a proud Ravenclaw
  3. I hate mushrooms
  4. I love travelling to Malaysia
  5. My favourite colour is blue
  6. I was born two months prematurely
  7. I have depression and general anxiety disorder
  8. I hate wearing a swimsuit
  9. But I love swimming
  10. I can’t remember ever being skinny
  11. When I was younger, I used to lie about what my favourite colour was. I just copied others
  12. I also used to lie about what I wanted to be when I grew up, and just copied other people
  13. I think I was about 13 when I thought about committing suicide for the first time
  14. I love the sea, but hate the feeling of stickiness after.
  15. I only really got into Photography, because a family friend once said I “had an eye for things” a few years ago. My stepdad had tried to get me into photography for years prior to this, but I wasn’t very interested until this moment.
  16. I started puberty when I was 9
  17. I was bullied for being the first person with a growing chest
  18. I was also called Gorilla at school, because of my skin colour
  19. My Granny left me a lovely doll. Her name is Sonya. She survived the bombings in Berlin
  20. I never thought I’d leave Germany. Now I can’t see myself ever moving back there
  21. Most of my friends are non-british. By “most” I mean all of my (few) friends.
  22. I used to ship Harry and Ron, Hermione and Draco.
  23. I also ship Harry with Cedric.
  24. Every summer, I promise I’ll lose weight before I go back to school/university. I usually just get fatter.
  25. I have brown eyes and black hair. In summer, some of my hair looks dark brown.
  26. I nearly had counselling once because of my suicidal tendencies, but we went on a family holiday instead.
  27. I have very fond memories of my childhood. Until puberty started. I then tuned all emotions out as best as I could.
  28. I once wanted a guitar so badly for Christmas, I got a new TV instead and nearly cried (I was such an ungrateful little shit, I hope nobody noticed. I hate myself for my materialistic selfish past)
  29. My favourite flowers are red roses.
  30. I love playing Harvest Moon games.

Photo of the day

See beautiful spot through the stone bricks

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Writing Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: Your Zodiac Sign

My Zodiac sign is taurus, and I don’t think much about it to be honest. Apparently, this zodiac sign is quite stubborn, from what I remember. I can be quite stubborn. Otherwise I don’t really know much about zodiac signs.

Hence, I had to do a tiny bit of reading. According to this, I do sound very much like a typical taurus. I love to travel the world. Having to find love whilst traveling sounds very much like something I would do. Otherwise it just sounds quite weird to me to be honest.

Photo of the Day

Poppy's breath.。oO
Tomo M

Video of the Day

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 16

Day 16: Something that you miss

I miss being a child, and riding my bike everywhere. I used to hate riding my bike at times, when it was rainy or windy. But really, I miss it now.

Very often, wherever I went, I’d go there by bike. I miss that feeling in my legs, or the wind in my hair, or the sound of a bike. I’m not quite sure why I miss that. Maybe it’s the childhood memories. Everything was so innocent then, and I didn’t have any worries apart from my imaginary tea party.

Riding my bike as a kid is definitely something I miss.

Photo of the Day

Shallow water
Taavi Salakka

Videos of the Day

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 15

Day 15: Bullet Point your whole Day

  • Finally got out of bed, 15 after my mum gently reminded me what time it was.
  • Sat outside for a little bit and listened to some music
  • Had breakfast and spent some time checking social media
  • watching youtube videos and typing this up.
  • We went out for some shopping, while driving around with no clear idea of where we actually wanted to go
  • We also didn’t know where to eat for dinner, after going to a supermarket
  • We ended up at a local restaurant.

This is a huge summary of today. I’m tired haha.

Photo of the day

Tranquility awaits
Sapna Reddy Photography

Video of the day

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 14

Day 14: Post your favourite movies you never get tired of watching

Well, this is going to be easy. I’m pretty sure I mentioned my favourite movies before. Going to the cinema is something I do very often, and I love watching movies. The ones I never get tired of haven’t really changed in a very long time.

Harry Potter is an entire movie series I never get tired of watching (unsurprisingly). Another one is Zootropolis. I used to watch Spider Man every single day.

There are some newer movies I never get tired of watching. I enjoy watching Assassins Creed and Now You See Me 2 for example. I absolutely love Now You See Me 2, its so good. I really hope there is a next one in that series. I literally cannot get enough of those movies.

After the longish post yesterday, my mind feels weirdly blank.

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 13

Day 13: What are you excited about?

I’m currently on holiday, but whilst scheduling this, I am VERY excited about the holiday. I can’t wait for the food, the (sandy) beach, the (warm) sea, and the wildlife. I just really love Malaysia. I also look forward to making plans with friends, and hope that some friends will be able to come over from Germany.

13 Things I am excited about on Holiday

I thought about doing a separate post for this, but it would be a shame to waste this opportunity to tell you some things I am excited about regarding my holiday in Malaysia

  1. Malaysia itself: Every time I visit Malaysia, it just feels like I’m going home.
  2. Food: The food in Malaysia is so delicious. I have not once had a bad meal. I can’t put it into words, quite how much I love the food in Malaysia. There, you can find so much different food: Malay, Chinese, Indian, and its all SO amazing.
  3. People: I also get excited to meet Malay people? They’re super nice and I just like being around people in Malaysia. They’re really friendly and kind.
  4. Photography: I actually really hope to try out Street Photography there. For some reason, nothing in the UK excites or inspires me. Hopefully, I am going to be inspired in Malaysia.
  5. Beach: I’m excited to sit on a sandy beach and enjoy the waves. I live by the seaside anyway, but a sandy beach in Malaysia is just that little bit more exciting and special to me.
  6. Pool: I actually really look forward to swimming in a pool? Pool, beach and Palm trees are like THE holiday aesthetics.
  7. Book & Beach/Pool: Weirdly, I also really look forward to reading a book either by the pool or by the beach, under some neat palm trees.
  8. Breakfast buffets: They’re amazing and diverse and just so good. I am going to eat ALL the food (apart from bread and the stuff that has very obviously got gluten in).
  9. Wildlife: The wildlife in Malaysia is amazing and I can’t wait to visit a nature reserve. There are also many geckos around, if I remember correctly. I love geckos, they’re super cute.
  10. Snorkelling: We’re going snorkelling, which I am super excited for. This kind of works with the last point. I love snorkelling in Malaysia. Once, I saw two baby sharks and they were adorable!
  11. Shopping: I used to get more excited about the shopping than I do now, since I am way too big to fit into any clothing there. But, I still enjoy the night markets there.
  12. Weirdly, even the flying there and travelling within Malaysia excites me. I’m scheduling this ahead of time, so I will probably feel differently about this at the time, but right now I am very excited about getting on a plane.
  13. Not being at Home: Just getting away from the usual surroundings is going to be amazing to relax and enjoy myself.

Photo of the Day

last train from the castle 2
Michael Marsh

Video of the Day

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FehOtOytxKU&w

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 12

Day 12: Write about five blessings in your life

  1. My first blessing has to go to my family, my lovely mum and my stepdad. They are both very supportive and loving and I just feel so blessed. I guess there are two blessings really. The fact I live with my family, even after coming out, and the fact that we have an amazing relationship.
  2. Honestly, I feel so blessed having the friends I have. They’re all so supportive, caring and such good friends. I haven’t lost any friends when I came out, and they’ve all just been great.
  3. Being able to go on holiday with my family. Not only are we going away together, but we’re also going quite far abroad. For as long as I can remember, my mum has always taken me on lovely and memorable holidays.
  4. Having money in my wallet, money in my savings account and money in my bank account is a HUGE blessing.
  5. Being able to have the education I have. My mental health has, fortunately, never stopped me from going to school, college or University. Now, I have finished 3 years at University, hopefully successfully and am applying to do my masters.

Photo of the Day

Masashi Wakui

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day Eleven

Day Eleven: Something you always think “What if…” about

I always think “what if…” regarding so many different areas of my life. Relationships, my gender identity and my weight for example.

What if … I had actually made an effort as a teenager to lose weight

What if … I had told my mum I wanted to be a boy when I was younger

What if …  I had reacted differently? Would we still be friends?

What if …  I had been neurotypical?

What if … I had grown up in England?

What if, what if, what if. As much as I spend time thinking about the what ifs, I spend more time thinking about what I have now, and how I can change the things I can change.

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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day Ten

Day Ten: Write about something you feel strongly about

Again, this is a weird topic to choose just one, and then write about it. I feel strongly about a lot of things, but I always find it difficult to find the words. Equal Rights is a thing I feel strongly about. Harry Potter is naturally something I feel strongly about. Good education & equal opportunities for all and reading are other things I feel strongly about, which all work together somehow.  I feel really strongly about my friends and my family. What do I choose to talk about?

This is actually more difficult than I thought it should be.

I feel strongly about Harry Potter, because that is one community, I definitely belong to. It doesn’t matter what colour my skin is, where I am from or how I sound like when I speak. It’s all about the Harry Potter universe and that’s amazing. I never felt German, even though I grew up there, speak the language and was schooled there. I don’t feel British, even though most of my family is, and speaking English allows me to express myself better than German. I’m biracial, but grew up in a dominantly white community. I feel like I don’t belong to either community. Sometimes, when I speak, I still sound German. But none of that matters in the Harry Potter Universe.

Harry Potter has always been that constant in my life, and has gotten me through so many rough patches (school/bullying, depression, anxiety). It gave me a world to escape in, and I have never found another world that quite did the same. So, to no surprise to anyone, I feel strongly about Harry Potter.

I feel strongly about family and friends. My mother is so important to me. I also feel so remarkably lucky, that I have such a good relationship with her and many other family members. All of my friends are so strong and amazing and supportive. I’d die for all of them, without a second thought.

With having finished my English Language and Linguistics degree, I decided I want to teach abroad. Not because that is seemingly the most obvious path to take with this degree, but because I feel strongly about giving people outside of Europe and USA a voice, if that makes sense. I don’t want to teach English, because I believe that it is a language everyone needs to learn to speak to get far in life, but because I believe that learning another language helps to understand your own culture and language, and your situation in the world. Growing up bilingual has given me greater sense of identity (despite not feeling German nor British) and a sense that language shouldn’t limit me in what I can or cannot do. I don’t just want to go out there and teach English, but give them general language skills in all the languages I speak, too, or am learning myself. Not being limited to that, I want to give people an equal chance to learn. I want to be able to give people the space to learn about their own language, culture and country, and to learn so much more beyond just the English language. I want to give people the opportunity to learn and grow, whether they are neurotypical or not, whether they are deaf, blind, both or neither. I guess I just want to give something of my good fortune back to those who aren’t given an opportunity. I’m not exactly sure what exactly this falls under. Good education, teaching, language? Possibly all.

Quote of the Day

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard
-Tim Notke

Photo of the Day

Block City
Different Visions

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