In the Uk, today is pancake day. I haven’t had any pancakes today, and to be honest, I don’t plan on having any. I like them, don’t get me wrong. But I have no idea what’s for dinner, so I may or may not have pancakes on pancake day.
Question of the day: Your favourite childhood game
Well, this is kind of weird. For context, a favourite childhood game I played was at kindergarten, but I was over the age of 6 and so were the kids I played with. This particular kindergarten had a special group for school kids between 6 and 14, with parents who were at work in the afternoon. School usually broke up at 1pm, so this was somewhere we could go until parents finished work. We had lunch, had space to do our homework and we could play. One of the rooms had these huge cushion like things and blankets and things. We would organise them in a way, that we had to crawl on all fours and it was like a labyrinth. Only two of us knew the set up, the others had to wait outside. Then we’d darken the room and choose who of us was going to be the cat. The others were going to be the mice. The mice would then crawl around in this labyrinth and the cat would have to try to catch us. When one of us was caught, the other mice could try to free us.
The amount of times I got in trouble for ruining my jeans and knees, I couldn’t possibly tell you, but it was hell of a lot of fun. In summer, we’d sometimes even play it in a field outside.
The other game is a PS2 game a friend and I used to love to play. It was one of the first games I got for the PS2 and is called Dog’s Life. I just remember playing it over and over again, and really enjoying it growing up (10+?)
I really miss those days. Amazing how quickly time flies, and I can’t believe I am going to be 24 this year. being 14 feels like it was yesterday.
Poem of the day
Word/Quote of the day:
Vertrauen auf einen Menschen bringt das Beste in ihm ans Licht
– Frederick W.Lewis
Today I spent some time learning British Sign Language, and catching up on reading for my Lecture tomorrow. Somewhat dreading tomorrow, because I am going to a gig straight after. I can’t wait to spend time with my friend and listen to some lovely music, but I am also somewhat nervous and apprehensive.
I picked up knitting again, to keep my mind and hands busy. I may or may not have fallen into the self harming pit, so I am hoping that a creative project will keep me busy enough during the evening.
Short story prompt: Write about putting together pieces of a puzzle
Rain was splattering against the giant windows. I sat on the floor beside them, safely tucked inside our house. I watched the steam of my hot chocolate rise, watched water pouring down the windows, listening to the drumming and howling outside and my father distantly ordering take outs over the phone. Looking forward to our afternoon together, I wondered about the puzzle we had been working on, and were hoping to finish soon. When it would be done, it would be done. But the puzzle I call life finally felt like it was complete, despite knowing that pieces were still missing, broken beyond repair, were always going to be missing and that pieces would always be added to an ever-changing person in an ever changing landscape. The future used to scare me, not knowing where I was going or where I was supposed to be going. However, I don’t fear the unknown anymore.
Finally, I feel like I am complete enough to not be scared of what may or may not be in the near and distant future. In fact, I look forward to it nearly as much as I look forward to finishing this puzzle. Nothing is certain, apart from the feeling that I feel strong enough to take on whatever may come. Though, saying that, I fear being alone, my mind wants to scatter back into a deep hole of darkness and despair. Before I get dragged back into the shadows, I refocus my attention. The soft feeling of my favourite t-shirt against my skin, my favourite comfy trousers and the heavy feeling of my white, thick throw against my back take my mind back to the moment of happiness and contentment.
My father’s voice comes nearer, with soft, cotton footsteps. “Yes. Yes,” he says to the person on the other end of the phone call, energetic with a smile on his face, adding “in half an hour. Good. Thank you. Bye.”
A smile spreads across my face. The feeling of such joyfulness was overwhelming. These feelings are good, but overwhelming nevertheless. Father takes a seat besides me, and he turns on the TV.
This is not edited or anything, just. Immediately written down here without a lot of time or thinking spent on it. I’ve never really published anything written like this, so apologies. It is awful but I’m gonna publish it anyway.
Phrase of the day
The boy who lived.
Yes, Harry Potter. This translates to “der Junge der überlebte”. It’s the first thing that came to my mind. No regrets.
Every Saturday is the day in the week dedicated to clean and tidy up. It was so lovely outside, it actually felt like a spring clean. After the usual saturday stuff, I even went on a nice walk in Friston Forest, which was really nice. It was surprisingly warm I thought for February. Hopefully very soon I’ll get some time to sort out some photos and update my flickr page.
Weirdly I am somewhat enjoying my reading for my module Language, Culture and Ideology. This weeks reading included reading up on booklets on Marx, Lenin and Trotsky. I studied Lenin and Trotsky during my time at college in the UK, so it felt like revision. All together, I found it quite interesting and it didn’t feel like a task. Perhaps, a bit repetitive, but still interesting.
Word of the day: die Eule
Yeh, another noun. This translates to “the owl”. Owls are one of my favourite animals, and this was the first thing that came to my mind tonight. Sometimes, if it is quiet enough, you can hear owls hooting outside around my house.
Quote of today
We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided
-by J.K. Rowling
Today I went to see the Lego Batman Movie. My best friend and boyfriend thought it was great and I thought the trailer looked quite amusing. It was the first Lego Movie I have ever seen. I’m not sure if it was because of my low mood in general, but I thought the movie was just an ok watch. I’m still glad I went to the cinema though, it got me out of the house.
It was also quite spring like today. Warmish, with spring flowers appearing everywhere. The sun was out and everything. It felt
Word of the day
This is a german noun and translates to “The Spring”. I chose this purely because it felt a little bit like spring today. Some flowers are coming through and it felt somewhat warm compared to other days and the sun was out.
Quote of the day
Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.
It sounds really weird being hyped about it being nearly friday. I am not hyped, I just realised how much work I still have to do before monday. I’m slowly getting through it though. Now that I have actually started, I feel better about tackling my workload.
Personally, I think I feel stronger now? I feel less overwhelmed and less distant from my work. I’m not sure if it is because I am more interested in what I am doing or if it is due to my anti depressants that I feel like I can tackle things heads on easier than before.
Question of the day: What is your favourite Shakespeare play?
I have never read anything Shakespeare related, but I am currently reading The Taming of the shrew with my boyfriend.
Word of the day: Caraphernalia
It is a noun and according to the urban dictionary means: A broken-heart disease whenever someone leaves you but leaves all their things behind
Poem of the day Here am I by Anis Mojgani
We all wanted that high school sweetheart We wanted to be young in the 50s with meatloaves and sock hops and lawns Lawns so perfect they looked like Clark Gable was kissing them
We wanted to be 13 and alive and meet a girl that was 13 and alive And walk with her past the grandstands To sit and hold hands with To sit and kiss with To sit and sit with Like it was something you would miss, but that never was
We once went to bed Like between the bed sheets was a valley with dinosaurs still breathing And how we capture these triceratops and brontosauruses But even they were opened up with the smoke that rose out of the homes and the corners that we once climbed through The streets and the footballs, which we once threw
The school desks upon, which we once drew
The windows that sat open, through we once flew Before the outside world of parking spaces and dead friends came flooding on in And we forgot what we wanted And we became what we become Waitresses and bartenders, city employees and temp positions We are junkies and one kiss poems and we cry the stars As we write our scars onto dumpsters and electric boxes Because the only thing that we can hear is our hearts And the only ones listening are the streets That the blood that breaths through the letters we leave And we dream to rise ourselves up out of these burning buildings But instead we get buried somewhere beneath
Because I know my life is like some high school kids notebook A high school kid that shuffles back and forth between school and home Stacking the letters and the pictures too close for anyone outside of his own imagination to read Because it’s through the ink that his heart beats, that his heart breaths And we all just wanted to write these notes:
Check if you like me Check if you don’t Check if you’ll date me Check if you won’t
Because we all wanted the love songs to be true And we did love dinosaurs once And we wanted the stars to hold our hands To lick the teeth, to fuck us But they ended up fucking us So, let your smile twist Like my heart dancing precariously on the edge of my fingertips Staining them like that same high school kid, licking his thoughts Using his sharpie tip writing
I was here I was here, mothafucka And ain’t none of y’all can write that in the spot that I just wrote it in I’m here, mothafucka, and we all here, mothafucka, and we all mothafuckas, mothafucka Because every breath I give brings me a second closer to the day that my mother may die Because every breath I take, takes me a second further from the moment she caught my father’s eye Because every word I carry is another stone to put into place in the foundation that I’m building Because the days can erase something that I never saw What all of us wanted and what none of us got What we all had and have and what we all forgot That we all wanted to be something That we all became something And it might not be the shit we once though we’d be when we were kids, but something is still something And like some cats say: something is better than nothing Feet are smarter than an engine And dreams are stronger than thighs And questions are the only answers we need to know that we are alive as I am when I have the mind of a child Asking, why is 2 + 3 always equal to 5? Where do people go to when they die? What made the beauty of the moon? And the beauty of the sea? Did that beauty make you? Did that beauty make me? Will that make me something? Will I be something? Am I something?
And the answer comes: already am, always was, and I still have time to be
Ah yes. It is middle of the week, mid month and I am finally waking up to the fact that I have shit loads of work to do and absolutely no time for anything else.
Today has been a somewhat boring day. I tried being productive and finish off some Uniwork, and do some reading. For some reason I feel like I have a hangover, despite the fact that I didn’t have a drop of alcohol these past days.
Even though I have been productive today, I feel like I have wasted away a lot of the day. So for the evening, I am going to read some stuff on my kindle and spend some time on myself and my personal growth.
Question of the day: If you discovered a new island, what would you call it, and why?
It would depend on whether or not there are any native people on the island, what they call the plants and animals and stuff on the island. I would go from that. If there aren’t any natives on that particular island I would look at surrounding islands and their languages and try and find a name for the island.
Poem of the day
“Many solemn nights
Blond moon, we stand and marvel…
Sleeping our noons away”
― Bashō Matsuo
This post is prewritten and I still forgot to post it on time. Whoops. In my defence, yesterday was kinda busy and I just totally forgot.
This is the first time I have a boyfriend, but xe lives nearly 3 hours away and I won’t see xir till march. We may or may not catch up on celebrations, depending on how things go I guess.
Question of the day: What is your favourite Busted Song?
Better than this. I love the song and everything about it. I don’t really know why this one particular but I do. I love the energetic start and lyrics. I can’t wait to see them. I’m so SO incredibly excited.
Poem of the day
“It’s just one world, this spine of rock and streams
And snow, and the wash of gravels, silts
Sands, bunchgrasses, saltbrush, bee-fields,
Twenty million human people, downstream, here below.”
Today, I sat at University with a few friends and I started talking to one of them about mental health. Being quite comfortable around these people I felt like I could be open about myself and everything. I didn’t expect to get so emotional to the point I started crying. I’m feeling good about me talking about it, especially since I’m hopefully starting therapy end of march. But its going to be a bumpy ride.
Impulsively I am diving into comfort things and trying to frantically learn Busted lyrics. Doors open at 6:30pm in Brighton tomorrow and I am So Excited. All in all, today has been a bit emotional. But I’ve dealt with it really well compared to other times. It seems like a really minor thing, but I am really proud of myself.
Poem of the day
“Arise from sleep, old cat,
And with great yawns and stretchings…
Amble out for love”
― Kobayashi Issa,
Today I nearly thought of treating myself to the Harry Potter loot box but I cannot explain to myself why I would spend £40 on something.
Question of the day: What is your favourite smell?
I really love the smell of wet dirty leaves? And Woods or Forests after it has rained? I also love the smell of lavender, bonfires, a specific tea and spring. Not all at once. That are like the smells I remember loving the most.
Poem of the day
My life, –
How much more of it remains?
The night is brief.
It actually snowed this morning but it kinda turned into rain disguised as snowflakes, which isn’t actually that unusual here where I live. But it amused me for a little bit, because I didn’t actually have to leave the house much.
Question of the day: Sweet or Sour? Sweet or Salty?
Both. When I was younger I was always just a sweet chocolate kind of kid but I kinda like both sweet n sour sweets. In regards to sweet or salty popcorn, again I like both. Only recently though.
Poetry of the day:
On Imagination by Phillis Wheatley
Thy various works, imperial queen, we see,
How bright their forms! how deck’d with pomp by thee!
Thy wond’rous acts in beauteous order stand,
And all attest how potent is thine hand.
From Helicon’s refulgent heights attend,
Ye sacred choir, and my attempts befriend:
To tell her glories with a faithful tongue,
Ye blooming graces, triumph in my song.
Now here, now there, the roving Fancy flies,
Till some lov’d object strikes her wand’ring eyes,
Whose silken fetters all the senses bind,
And soft captivity involves the mind.
Imagination! who can sing thy force?
Or who describe the swiftness of thy course?
Soaring through air to find the bright abode,
Th’ empyreal palace of the thund’ring God,
We on thy pinions can surpass the wind,
And leave the rolling universe behind:
From star to star the mental optics rove,
Measure the skies, and range the realms above.
There in one view we grasp the mighty whole,
Or with new worlds amaze th’ unbounded soul.
Though Winter frowns to Fancy’s raptur’d eyes
The fields may flourish, and gay scenes arise;
The frozen deeps may break their iron bands,
And bid their waters murmur o’er the sands.
Fair Flora may resume her fragrant reign,
And with her flow’ry riches deck the plain; Sylvanus may diffuse his honours round,
And all the forest may with leaves be crown’d:
Show’rs may descend, and dews their gems disclose,
And nectar sparkle on the blooming rose.
Such is thy pow’r, nor are thine orders vain,
O thou the leader of the mental train:
In full perfection all thy works are wrought,
And thine the sceptre o’er the realms of thought.
Before thy throne the subject-passions bow,
Of subject-passions sov’reign ruler thou;
At thy command joy rushes on the heart,
And through the glowing veins the spirits dart.
Fancy might now her silken pinions try
To rise from earth, and sweep th’ expanse on high:
From Tithon’s bed now might Aurora rise,
Her cheeks all glowing with celestial dies,
While a pure stream of light o’erflows the skies.
The monarch of the day I might behold,
And all the mountains tipt with radiant gold,
But I reluctant leave the pleasing views,
Which Fancy dresses to delight the Muse;
Winter austere forbids me to aspire,
And northern tempests damp the rising fire;
They chill the tides of Fancy’s flowing sea,
Cease then, my song, cease the unequal lay.