Blogmas 15: Own Voices

#OwnVoices

I am bi-racial. My dad has a black carribean background, and my mum is white british. I have never felt I belonged to the black community, nor the white community. I always felt alone and very quickly disassociated myself from everything around me. I remember my childhood/teenage years (9+)  feeling ridicilously numb. I never read a story where I found a character who looked like me, or who was like me. I identify as a man, and very open minded (wanna stick a label on it? Bi/pan, maybe poly? idk). I always avoided thinking about myself because I just thought I was a weird alien that accidentally landed on earth.  I kind of thought I was wrong, or sick, so I just ended up just going through all of those years feeling numb and just pushing my identity away. #OwnVoices is a brilliant thing and I want to thank Whitney for leading me to this hashtag.

Inspired video:

A list of books that are inspiring and may or may not influence my book buying: here

Today

I took the Rail Replacement Bus to Uni today, and loved seeing the scenery from a different angle, passing by new views and villages I hadn’t really seen before. I thought it was all quite quaint. I even saw a pastelly pink manor like house, which I thought was quite amusing.

On a few occassions I somewhat embarrassed myself a few times, and wore breat at some point. But I made a joke out of it and we laughed. Briefly saw a friend, which was really nice and gave zir the bag of gifts for zir and zirs partner.

The meetings I had with tutors went quite well, and I have an idea of what I am doing over the holiday. It’s going to keep me busy and on my toes, but I will be fine. The more I can do now, the better.

I do have a feeling I overspend. I don’t feel like I have anything else to offer to my friends, so I buy things. I’m working on this insecurity, especially because some of my friends have pointed out that they like me because of me, not the things I buy for them.

Picture of the day

Upper Fraser Frozen Lake
Robert Downie

Videos of the day

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