August already!

Every day I could cry because of what I had planned to achieve and what I have actually achieved.

I can’t even remember the last book I finished but I think I’m currently reading about three or four books all at once because I am absolutely everywhere wasting time.

I still can’t string a sentence together in Japanese. Or in Dutch, Malay, Vietnamese, Irish Gaelic or Scottish Gaelic.

I only  started thinking about Dissertation Ideas a few days ago. Haven’t settled on anything yet. I hoped to get something done before I go back.

I haven’t finished any TV show or Movie on Netflix. Not one. And I’m watching so many things at the same time.

My days barely have a routine. Get up. Walk dogs. Shops/Gym/Appointments. Walk Dogs. Dinner. Walk Dogs. Too tired/lazy to focus on anything. I don’t know where my time as gone. What have I done with my time? I don’t know but I feel like I have failed myself quality time and now I feel like I should catch up but don’t know how because the routine I have isn’t set by me and I don’t have a way to get out of it.

The only thing I can think of is to utilise the little time I do have to myself to enjoy the time and do what I wanted to do in the first place. Because I can’t organise myself and currently find myself with really high Anxiety, I am struggling to organise myself.

What do I finish reading first? What to I finish watching first? When do I practice/learn Japanese? When could I spend time on Gaming? When can I do this, or that?

I just don’t know. I feel lost and empty and numb. The things I want to do would improve how I feel and how I feel about myself but alas. I just keep wasting time, which is not helping me. Ugh!

For tonight, I’m still planning on watching Black Butler and Stranger Things on Netflix. Go to bed early. Get up early so I can do more. I really hope I can sort myself out.

Ciarán

 

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